Have you ever been ghosted?
You may not be familiar with the term, but it’s an unfortunate trend that occurs within our culture and society.
Here is what happens: Two people are in some type of relationship. Dating, friends, basketball buddies, whatever. Person A gets tired of Person B. Without any warning, Person A ceases all communication even when Person B is still trying to communicate with them. If Person B sends a message, no response. Calls them up…nothing. Emails…zilch. Drives to the house…Person A shuts the curtains and hides behind the couch. Complete relationship and communication termination without explanation. Nothing whatsoever. The relationship is ended. No goodbye. No explanation. No apologies. Nothing. Person B has been ghosted.
Ghosting.
It’s a terrible thing, really. I’m not going to pretend to understand it. I understand that relationships end and it might be easier just to ignore the situation, but if someone is still trying to maintain the connection, why not at least have the courtesy to say something? To me, the minimum should be some kind of ending conversation. “Here’s why this isn’t working out….” “Here’s why I can’t play basketball with you anymore…you keep dunking on my head and I’m tired of feeling old.” “Here’s why I’m pulling out of this relationship, out of this friendship, out of ______.” I know those types of conversations can be difficult, but it should be the minimum requirement for ending a relationship, especially when one person thinks the relationship is continuing on as usual. Some type of communication should be had to say that the relationship is over.
Ghosting.
Recently, I experienced a very, very, very mild case of ghosting. I’ve been trying to sell some things and clear out a bunch of junk from our house. (Well, it’s not really junk, per se, but we’re in the midst of a giant purge to try to free up some space. So, things are leaving the house. You know what they say…one person’s junk is another’s treasure. I’m looking for people to treasure the junk that we’re purging.) Anyway, I’ve been selling some things. On more than one occasion, I’ve had people lined up to buy something. They’ve contacted me, committed to purchase, arranged all of the details, set the time, had the address, were given the phone number, everything.
The time comes…nothing.
I wait…nothing. I wait some more…nothing.
I message…nothing.
I email…nothing.
I call…nothing.
Crickets. No response. I’ve been ghosted. Despite all of the promises, despite all of the arrangements, despite all of the plans, I never hear from them again.
I’ve been ghosted.
My recent experience is not a huge deal compared to the bigger instances of ghosting. I didn’t have deep relationships with these people. I don’t know them other than trying to sell something. People go through way more heartache and suffering when they lose friends/partners/etc. in this way. But still…being ghosted is miserable.
Where’s the courtesy? Where’s the valuing another’s time? Where’s the following through with what was promised? Where’s the sticking to one’s word?
I understand things change. Maybe you no longer want my Fraggle Rock record. I get it. Fraggle Rock isn’t for everyone. Maybe the ice cream place on the way to buy Fraggle Rock took the last $20 you had budgeted to spend. No big deal. Just let me know! That way I can eat my own ice cream and not wait around. Then, I can sell Fraggle Rock to the next Muppet lover instead of waiting for someone who is never going to show up. Life happens. Just let me know. At minimum, respond.
Ghosting. No good whatsoever.
As I was thinking about this idea, a couple of things occurred to me:
1) I hope that I don’t act in that manner. I hope that I show up to things, that I keep my word, that my “yes” means “yes”, and that my “no” means “no.”
Jesus teaches people a lesson about taking oaths in the Gospel of Matthew. “I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Matthew 5:34-37)
I hope this is how I live, that I live life with integrity. No need for pinky promises or swearing by all that is holy or any other special phrase to indicate that I won’t back out. Yes. No. (Sometimes “I don’t know.” Or “Maybe.”) True to my word. That's what I want.
Then, if things change, or life happens and my plans take a different route that I let people know. I said yes, I really meant yes, but I didn’t realize that this other thing would come up, or that this circumstance would change. We don’t know the future. Sometimes our ‘yes’ changes to a ‘no’ or vice versa. However, I hope I’m honest about that too. At minimum, I hope that I respond to people, especially if they are reaching out to me for a response. I know I’m not perfect, others aren’t either, and I’ll make mistakes, I’ll forget, I’ll occasionally take a while to get back to people for a variety of reasons, but I hope that I do not “ghost.” I hope you don’t either.
2) I wonder if there is a possibility of Holy Ghosting.
What would it look like to Holy Ghost someone?
I know, the term “Holy Ghost” has kind of fallen out of fashion when referencing the Third Person of the Trinity. We like to say Holy Spirit now as the word “ghost” can conjure up images of sheets floating around (or worse) that shouldn’t be associated with God. That’s fine, and I typically say Holy Spirit myself. But, what would it look like for us to Holy Ghost someone?
I know, the term “Holy Ghost” has kind of fallen out of fashion when referencing the Third Person of the Trinity. We like to say Holy Spirit now as the word “ghost” can conjure up images of sheets floating around (or worse) that shouldn’t be associated with God. That’s fine, and I typically say Holy Spirit myself. But, what would it look like for us to Holy Ghost someone?
What would it look like in our relationships, even the small, passing ones, for God to show up through us? What would it look like for people to look back at the interactions they had with us and feel like they grew closer to God because of them?
Holy Ghosting. That’s something I can get behind.
Ephesians 5:18 teaches us to “be filled with the Holy Spirit.” As I remember from previous sermons/conversations, the idea here is that this is not a once and done kind of an event. Instead, it’s a continual filling of the Holy Spirit, like a garden hose constantly filling up a cup and not being shut off…constantly filled, splashing out, getting others wet around you, overflowing. This should be a continual process of being filled with the Spirit that impacts others. This isn’t some tiny little drink of God, but an over-abundant outpouring of God so that when people interact with you they can’t help but to be influenced and impacted by God as well.
That’s my prayer, that I would Holy Ghost people…even in the small ways.
Even when I’m exchanging FaceBook Marketplace messages with people, or when the person eventually comes for my Fraggle Rock record, or when I donate it to the thrift store because nobody wants it, that I’d be getting people wet. That my attitude, my speech, my behavior, my friendliness, the fruit of the Spirit of God within me would constantly be splashing over so that people would be Holy Ghosted, impacted by the presence of God in my life. That’s my prayer…to Holy Ghost people. In the big, long, deep relationships of family and friends and church and in the small relationships of selling junk or buying veggies and sweets at the supermarket, that I would be used to impact people by the presence of God in my life.
Ghosting:
I hope that it doesn’t happen to you. I hope you don’t do it to others.
Holy Ghosting:
I hope that it does happen to you. I hope you do it to others.
~ Pastor Chris
(As an aside, I remember seeing some type of devotional that talked about the Holy Spirit and ghosting. I was likely influenced by that devotional, but I can’t remember the article specifically or the points that it was making…just being honest that I wasn’t the only one to draw some parallels between the two areas.)
