Hopefully, you all don’t think less of me, but I have conversations with myself. Often. Most of the time these occur within my mind. Occasionally, they come out of my mouth. The topics are broad, and I cover a lot of material, but sometimes the conversation is honestly a little one-sided. I do most of talking on both ends, and I don’t leave much room for someone else to respond. (You may initially think, “That’s good. Who else would respond?” Well, keep reading. I’ll get there.)
Let me explain a little further. Sometimes, I’ll have a conversation in my mind about a something that is negative. I’ll play out and plan for scenarios that are causing me stress or anxiety. If I fear a confrontation of some sort is on the horizon, I’ll go over the possibilities. I’ll imagine and plan for what might happen, and then I’ll come up with answers that I might give, reactions that I might have, ways to respond to the confrontation that I fear is imminent. (Typically, these self-conversations have me responding in amazing ways. I’ll have just the right words, said at just the right time, and the other person will go… “Wow. You’re a genius. I want to do everything that you just said. I am wrong. You are right!”)
Other times, I’ll have a conversation in my mind about something that is positive. I’ll play out and plan for scenarios that I believe will bring me positive outcomes. Again, I’ll go over the possibilities, again, I’ll go over the responses.
Occasionally, some types of self-talk will come out of my mouth and not just be in my head. Typically, this isn’t in the form of a complete conversation, but more along the lines of encouragement/motivation or short phrases. For instance, when I miss an easy shot in racquetball (happened just this morning), I’ll give myself the old “Come on Morris.” If I hit a wimpy shot when I should have used more power, I’ll do the popular “Hit the ball!” phrase. Every once in a while, even outside of sports, I’ll mutter, “You big dummy.” This usually occurs when I do something that I feel was dumb.
Forget to duck while getting in the car and bang my head?
“You big dummy.”
Spill hot coffee all over my shirt because I momentarily lose the location of my mouth?
“You big dummy.”
Walk straight into the glass pane because I failed to open the door?
“You big dummy.”
You get the idea. I talk to myself. Sometimes it’s a full blown, hypothetical scenario in which there are a lot of details. Sometimes those scenarios are negative. Sometimes they are positive. Typically, these conversations happen in my head. Other times, I talk to myself in short snippets (and these may be out loud). These statements are typically motivational/critical in relationship to sports, or they are self-critical (but sometimes said in jest) when I do something that I feel is dumb.
Still, the fact remains, I talk to myself. A lot.
I believe we all do. (If you don’t, you’re really going to think that I have issues.) Though the things we say might be different, I imagine that we all talk to ourselves. There are times when we all envision what we think the future might hold, and we play out those scenarios (good or bad) in our head. Likely, there are also times when some of us talk to ourselves out loud (at least I’ve heard a number of people doing this…I recognize that some may not). We say things to ourselves to motivate, to chastise, to encourage, or to otherwise steer ourselves in the right direction. (There are also other occasions where we may be talking out loud and have no idea that we’re actually talking out loud. Let’s put those occasions aside for now.)
Do you know the problem with a lot of this self-talk and planning, especially the type when we’re predicting? It rarely happens in reality. We play out something in our heads. It rarely comes to fruition.
Just this last weekend, I had a whole conversation and scenario run over and over through my head. I’ve been looking to purchase some kayaks, and I talked to a guy who was selling four of them. Though they weren’t ideal for us, I knew what I wanted to do. I thought I’d buy all of them for one, discounted price. I’d save the guy the hassle of getting rid of them as he didn’t seem to want to deal with that, and I would use them towards getting kayaks that I actually want. I had the whole thing planned…which ones I would keep, which ones I would sell or trade, how much I would ask for each kayak that I didn’t want. I had further conversations (in my mind) with other people after I had purchased the kayaks regarding trades/sales. I had it all worked out. All the details planned. I was excited for these four kayaks that I was about to buy.
The problem? The seller didn’t accept my offer. He didn’t agree to my price. We couldn’t work out the money in a mutually beneficial way. I didn’t buy the kayaks. It never happened.
Here I had spent time and brain power going over and over all of these scenarios that would take place after I had purchased these kayaks, and I NEVER BOUGHT THE KAYAKS!!!! It never happened. All of that time, all of that thinking, all of that planning, all of those conversations that played out in my head, and IT NEVER HAPPENED! He kept the kayaks to sell individually at a later date, and I kept the money that I had planned to spend. Done deal. That was it. Nothing further.
Isn’t that the problem with a lot of our self-talk? Isn’t that the issue with a lot of those conversations that we have with ourselves? Often, they never happen.
Oftentimes, we stress, we worry, we prep, we rehearse, we go over things over and over and over again only to find out that they never actually occur. That argument we feared? Never takes place. That positive event that we were expecting? Never happens. There are a lot of times that we spend in conversation with ourselves over things that never happen in reality. The scenarios we play out in our head just stay there, in our head, and they never actually occur. Granted, sometimes they do, but more often than not, the worry, the fretting, the planning, the rehearsing is all in preparation for things that never take place.
In fact, sometimes we’re so good at worrying and conversing with ourselves, that we’re 17 “what ifs” down the line. “What if this happens, then this happens, then this happens, then this happens, then this happens…then, I’ll do this and say this and react this way.” We can get so far down the positive line that I’m going through how to trade some person a jet boat for a Tesla…all stemming from four kayaks that I never even purchased. Or we get so far down the negative line that we imagine ourselves separated from our family, at Niagra Falls, jumping off the Maid of the Mist all while telling our pursuers that we’re innocent, we’re falsely accused…all stemming from a fear that we might forget to pay for a pack of gum at the self-checkout in Walmart. We have conversations with ourselves that lead to other conversations with ourselves that lead to us planning for positive events that never occur or for negative situations that are never going to happen.
So much time, so much thought, so much worry, so much fret, for what? If we’re honest, a lot of our self-talk bears very little fruit.
What, then, should we do? Let’s look at a couple of Scriptures.
First, let’s consider this one in 2 Corinthians. Paul says this,
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” ~2 Corinthians 10:5
“Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
That right there is a battle that I’m still fighting.
“Every thought obedient to Christ.” Even this self-talk business. Those conversations that I have regarding the future, have I subjected them to Christ? Or, am I just playing out my fears or my hope? Those scenarios that I’m running through, where do they fall in relationship to God’s plan for my life? Have I even considered God as I run through them? Even the short phrases that I utter about myself, those racquetball and daily blunder mutterings, how do they stack up? When I’m saying, “You dummy!” (even though it’s directed at myself), is this thought/phrase/idea/self-talk in line with who I am in Christ Jesus? (Now, most of the time, I’m not saying it in an actual, self-demeaning way. What I really mean is that was a silly thing to do, pay attention.) But, there are occasions where my self-talk is negative, where I view myself as less than what God has created. God views me as a child of God, purchased at a cost, redeemed by the blood of Jesus. When I think of myself as otherwise, am I taking these thoughts captive? On the flip side, when I’m thinking about how I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread and that nobody can compare to how awesome I am, is this in line with Christ, with the fact that I’m a sinner, saved by grace, with the recognition that I am flawed, even while I’m loved?
Every thought. Obedient to Christ. Every. Single. One.
But what about being prepared? What about figuring out our plan? What about rehearsing for what is coming ahead?
This isn’t all bad. After all, 1 Peter 3:15 says this:
“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”
Be ready to talk about Jesus. Have a reason for the hope that you have. Know what Jesus has done for you. Have a response on the ready to talk about God’s goodness. The Scripture continues,
“But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience…” 1 Peter 3:15-16
We’re not “ready” so we can beat people in an argument. Nor are we “ready” so we can bash people with the truth, or just give some kind of response that we’ve memorized by rote so that we have something to say. Instead, we’re to be ready, to be prepared, to respond with the truth in love. To give people reason for the hope that we have because we have received the love of God through Christ and we wish for others to do the same.
It’s OK to go through some “what if” scenarios, but let’s do so with the expectation that we are preparing in love, readying ourselves to point to the hope that we’ve found.
Huge task, so far, right? Take captive every thought. Be prepared to talk about Jesus. Do so in love.
Fortunately, we’re not alone in this battle. After all, we have been given God’s Spirit (1 John 4:13). We can rely on the Lord. We can seek God’s presence, God’s will. When we’re going down through all of our scenarios, guess what? We aren’t limited to self-talk. God is there with us.
This brings me to one last thought before I run out of room…what if we spent more time conversing with God instead of just talking to ourselves? What if we directed more of our conversation towards God, instead of towards us? What would happen if as we talked, we actually paused and allowed God to answer?
We may just find out that our views of the future, our views of ourselves, our views of others might line up more with Jesus. Just saying…
~Pastor Chris
