I can still remember the little cards that I’d take to school. Small little perforated rectangles, enough that I would have one for every student and maybe a little larger one for the teacher. Though I can’t remember specifically, I imagine that my young self would have chosen cards with something cool on them…like Optimus Prime from the cartoon series Transformers. He’d be on the front, looking all awesome, saying something like “Autobots Roll Out & Have Yourself a Happy Valentine’s Day!” (If you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about here, I apologize…I always try to have people connect to my devotionals, but sometimes I add some things just because it makes me smile. The Transformers reference is one of those times.) No mushy gunk from me. No white and pink cupcakes with “love” written on them. No extra-special cards. No specially-selected-heart-shape-candy with “just the right” message on them, given to just the right person. Not my style. Not my thing. Nope. Each person got an Optimus Prime card, and even that was probably done out of obligation more than some extra feelings of love happening around the holiday.
As a kid, Valentine’s Day was just not my thing. Sure, I’d be glad for an excuse to eat a couple of extra pieces of candy, but be excited about it? Get all mushy about it? Nah. Not going to happen.
At this point, perhaps you’re expecting for me to say that things have changed now that I’m older. Perhaps this is the point of the devotional where you think I’ll say, “But that’s all different now!”
Honestly, I’m not going to say that.
Valentine’s Day is still not my thing! I’m still not super excited about it. I still don’t buy dozens of roses, make cupcakes with “love” written all over them, or look for those heart-shaped candies with the messages. (I still don’t mind the extra excuse to eat a piece or two of chocolate.)
Now, before you start throwing stones, let me do some explaining. Let me do some defending. Let me lay out my story and my logic, and then let’s see where we end up. Ok? Great.
Here’s the deal. I love my wife. A ton. My goal? To live my life in such a way that she feels loved and appreciated all of the time! Now, I certainly do not succeed in this endeavor. There are plenty of times when I fail to express my feelings, where I fail to show up, where I fail in making her feel loved and appreciated. Still, that is the goal. That she would be confident in our relationship. That she would know that I love her. That I would express my love to her consistently. That I would be there for her and for her needs. And, that I wouldn’t need Valentine’s Day as an excuse to make up for a year’s worth of shortcomings. “Honey, I know I was a pretty terrible husband for the rest of the year…eat some chocolates and enjoy a new necklace. Happy Valentine’s Day!” Ok. I’m being a little over-cynical. Still, the point remains. I want for my wife to know how much I love and value her all of the time. Not just on one day.
Here’s the second half of the deal. I also know my wife (hopefully pretty well, but there’s always room for growth!), and I know that typical “Valentine’s Day” things would not come across as an expression of love to her. Let’s go through some of them, shall we?
- Heart-shaped box of chocolates? She’s not a fan of chocolate. Occasionally a chocolate-covered potato chip. Once in a while a white chocolate Lindor truffle. That box of chocolates would be for me. Not her.
- Roses? Not her favorite flower in the least. She prefers daisies or wildflowers or an occasional single flower in a simple vase. A dozen roses would benefit the flower shop. Not my wife.
- Earrings/necklaces/jewelry? Again, nope. Her ears aren’t pierced. She enjoys wearing two rings (engagement/wedding), and she typically doesn’t wear much jewelry. Buying this type of gift would not show her that I love her.
- Cupcakes with “love” written on them? Well, one, she has to eat gluten-free. Two, she doesn’t like cupcakes. Again, this would be a gift for me, not her.
- A fancy, romantic dinner? Know one of her favorite meal scenarios? Chinese and a movie at home. Another favorite? The three of us at a Mexican restaurant. A third? Some Thai food. If I surprised her with Vallozzi’s? Not going to cut it. Why? That’s not what she likes.
Here are my problems with Valentine’s Day, and I have two to discuss.
First, it, like many other holidays, has become an over-commercialized marketing push for people to spend more money. If I followed the typical “Valentine’s Day guide,” I’d have an unhappy wife who would wonder what on earth was wrong with me. She doesn’t want chocolate or cupcakes or roses or jewelry or expensive Italian meals or even those pop-up cards that sing songs. She wants me to show her that I know her and that I love her. Does she want me to show her that on Valentine’s Day? Yes, absolutely. I hope to show her, specifically on that day. More importantly, does she want me to show her that on every other calendar day of the year? Yes, absolutely. I hope to show her that on every other day of the year as well. I don’t need to buy into all of the marketing or hype or commercialization associated with February 14. I need to know my wife, to spend time with her, to listen to her, to pray with her, to be there for her, to commit to her, to love her. That, to me, is more important than following all of the typical, Valentine’s Day stuff.
Here’s my second problem with Valentine’s Day. It has a way of making people focus on the wrong goal and feel bad when they do not achieve it.
I still remember that feeling associated with getting fewer cards than other people. I still remember looking around and feeling shorted on my candy count, or on not getting the “Will you be my Valentine?” question, or on not having a “special someone” for the holiday. You see, Valentine’s Day holds up an ideal, that of romantic love, of having a partner, of feeling like you are special because of that one person who says that you are special. But what happens when that ideal isn’t reached? What happens when you’re not the most popular kid in your grade and other people receive more cards than you? Or, what happens when you don’t receive any cards at all? What happens when you are alone? On Valentine’s Day? When you’ve never had a special someone to call your own? Or, when there have been problems in your relationship and you’re feeling distance? Or, when your special someone is no longer with you, when they’ve gone to meet Jesus, and your life has changed so drastically? What happens to Valentine’s Day then?
That’s my issue. As we understand it and celebrate it, Valentine’s Day sets up this picture-perfect ideal of romantic love. But what about those who do not have it? What about those who have never experienced romantic love in this life or for people who no longer have their partner? Are those folks somehow worth less because they are not married?
The relationship that I share with Christa is 100000000% a blessing from God. I am incredibly blessed and thankful to share my life with her. However, even that relationship, even my relationship with my best friend who is also my wife, even that cannot be the peak, cannot be the pinnacle, cannot be the ideal or the place in which I find my worth. There has to be more. There has to be something that goes beyond romantic love, something that goes deeper than finding your “partner,” something that is a loftier goal than even the good that romantic love has to offer. On Valentine’s Day (or any other day for that matter) romantic love cannot be the primary goal, cannot be the ideal, nor should our worth be based on whether or not we have found this love and met this ideal.
Instead, we need a different kind of love. Love that comes straight from God. We need the love of Jesus.
Valentine’s Day, much like any other day, needs to be rooted in Christ, grounded in Christ, point to the love of Jesus as the ideal. Chocolates are fine. Saying “I love you” is great, recommended, advisable. Romantic love can be a blessing straight from the hand of God. Still, all of these things need to be built on the love of Jesus so that our worth comes from our relationship with God, not whether or not we have a relationship with another. Our contentment comes from our relationship with Jesus, not from another source. Our joy, our peace, our happiness, our hope, our love comes from Christ, flows from Christ, points to Christ as an expression of God’s love for us, and that we are so confident in this love of God for each of us, personally, that we can make it though any day, even Valentine’s Day, leaning on Jesus.
Do you know something else? Do you know why people began to celebrate Saint Valentine in the first place? Because he bought the best flowers? Made the best chocolates? Had the perfect marriage?
No. He laid down his life on account of his love for God and love for others. He ministered to people who were persecuted, cared for the needs of those who were suffering because of their faith, and ultimately, he was martyred because of his own relationship with Jesus Christ. Saint Valentine knew the love of God so deeply, so personally, so intimately, that he was willing to give up everything he had to serve Jesus.
How about that for a new Valentine’s Day ideal? The sacrificial love of the Father, given to us through Jesus Christ and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, enabling us to love God in return and to love our neighbors…even if it costs us our very life.
Now, that’s a Valentine’s Day message I could get behind. With this message, Valentine’s Day could become my thing. That’s a Valentine’s Day love that is worthy of building one’s life around, the sacrificial love of God who enables us to sacrificially love others. Oh that I would know this love deep within my heart and that it would continue to change my very being.
Friend, I do not know what Valentine’s Day has in store for you. Excitement. Chocolate. Roses. Sorrow. Disappointment. Heartache. Pain. Regardless, I do know that there is more to love than we typically hear about on Hallmark movies or see on advertisements or are told that we need. I pray that regardless of your circumstances on this Valentine’s Day that you will know the deep and true love of Jesus, and that you will build your life on God’s love.
After all, Paul reminds us:
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? …No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
~ Romans 8:35-37
No matter what we might face, trouble, hardship, persecution, famine…Valentine’s Day, know that we are more than conquerors. Through Jesus. Who loves us.
~ Pastor Chris
